A man and a woman, in a bed. MAN is smoking and reading the newspaper. WOMAN is lying under the covers, idly watching MAN as the pages turn.
WOMAN
Jim?
MAN
(from behind paper) What?
WOMAN
Can we talk about something?
MAN
(from behind paper) Sure.
WOMAN
Well… Have you noticed something… different about me recently?
MAN
(from behind paper) Er-
WOMAN
You know, something… different?
MAN
(from behind paper) Er… (puts paper down) I dunno, babe. Did you dye your hair?
WOMAN
No-
MAN
Oh. (pause) No, I have no idea.
WOMAN
Well, look at this.
WOMAN raises the covers. MAN looks down.
MAN
Oh! Oh.
WOMAN
D’you like it?
MAN
I dunno, babe. I mean… What is it?
WOMAN
It’s supposed to be a J and a D. For us. Jim and Denise.
MAN
Oh. (pause) Doesn’t look like a J and a D. It just looks like you did something different with it. (WOMAN looks tearful) Doesn’t look bad. Just… different.
WOMAN
I did that three days ago.
MAN
So?
WOMAN
So? We’ve had sex since then and you didn’t notice a thing.
MAN
Er-
WOMAN
Look, I just think that our sex-life has gotten a bit… boring.
MAN
Boring!?!
WOMAN
Look, it’s not your fault, I just feel like we always do the same things. That there’s nothing new.
MAN
Oh. (pause) What did you have in mind?
WOMAN
Well, I don’t know…. We could, like, eat stuff off each other.
MAN
Eat stuff?
WOMAN
Yeah, yeah!
MAN
Er, ok.
WOMAN
OK, cool! What do you like?
MAN
What?
WOMAN
Well, what do you like to eat?
MAN
Er, well. I like toast.
WOMAN
Toast?
MAN
Yeah.
WOMAN
Well… em. Toast?
MAN
Yeah. Nice, buttered toast.
WOMAN
Well… I could… balance a slice of toast on my, er (gestures at breasts) Would that… be… good?
MAN
Er… Well… I dunno babe.
WOMAN
Maybe we should think of something else.
MAN
Yeah. When you were thinking of, like, this whole food-thing, what were you thinking of?
WOMAN
I dunno… I wasn’t really thinking… I dunno.
MAN
Well, it doesn’t have to be toast. It could be… curry.
WOMAN
What?
MAN
I love a good curry.
WOMAN
Curry?
MAN
Yeah.
WOMAN
It was silly to bring this up.
MAN
What? No, babe, come on…
WOMAN
No, I’ve had enough. We’re just going to have sex the old-fashioned way.
WOMAN gets out of bed, she is wearing PVC gear.
MAN
Fine.
MAN reaches under the covers and pulls out a bondage mask, which he slips on.
WOMAN
The safe word is… toast.
MAN
Oh you bitch.
WOMAN punches MAN onto bed. BLACKOUT.
