Filed under: Scripts and Odd Writings | Tags: sketch, subway, i-phone, applications
A man, walking down the street. Suddenly, he stops, slaps his hands on his pockets, looks worried and turns around.
MAN
I’ve lost my phone!
Two men in suits jump at him from either side, one with an Apple logo on his briefcase, the other with a Subway logo. Both speak in over-jolly, over-exaggerated advertising man voices.
SUBWAY MAN/APPLE MAN
There’s a Sub/App for that!
SUBWAY MAN
Hey!
APPLE MAN
Hey yourself!
SUBWAY MAN
I’m sorry, but I think you’ll find that’s my slogan.
APPLE MAN
Err, no, I believe it’s mine.
SUBWAY MAN
No, no, I’m sure of it.
APPLE MAN
As am I.
MAN
Where did I leave it?
SUBWAY MAN
Ah. (clears throat) How about an I-left-my-phone-at-work Sub! (He pulls out a grotesque looking sandwich.)
APPLE MAN
What on earth is the point of that? (He turns to the MAN.) You’ve lost your phone: there’s an App for that! Just download the PhoneFinder App and-
SUBWAY MAN
Look, sorry to interrupt, but this sandwich will relieve your tension and make you see the rosier side of things. Life is transient, go with the flow: (Pulls out of his briefcase:) How about a salad?
APPLE MAN
No no no, he doesn’t want to forget his troubles. He wants his problem solved! We can solve his problem with our PhoneFinder App! It helps you find your phone! It actually does something.
SUBWAY MAN
I doubt he’ll be able to download an application onto a phone when it is the one thing he is currently looking for. Twerp. (Pulls out a:) Cookie?
APPLE MAN pauses, stops and thinks.
APPLE MAN
Touche. But the thought is there.
MAN
Oop, left it in the gym. Thanks guys!
MAN snatches the cookie from the SUBWAY MAN’s hand and leaves.
SUBWAY MAN
Hang on. There’s a Sub for that! How about an I-left-my-phone-in-the-gym – oh what’s the sodding point, he can’t hear me.
APPLE MAN
Now there’s an App for that!
SUBWAY MAN
Really?
APPLE MAN
(pulling out his phone) Yeah, it’s called the Annoyo 5000. Amplifies your message by 5000%.
SUBWAY MAN
Ingenious. (He pulls out his phone and clicks a couple of buttons, then turns to face where MAN ran off to.) See if this works. (He holds the phone up to his mouth.) There’s a greasy sandwich for that! There’s a replaceably bland mixture of so-called ingredients for that! (He rounds on the APPLE MAN.) Hey!
The APPLE MAN shrugs, and holds his phone to his mouth.
APPLE MAN
Selling tosh you didn’t need since 2000.
Blackout.
Filed under: FringeReview Blog Article | Tags: auditions, blog, fringereview, lucy nordberg, when all the crowds have gone
This weekend, I’m running auditions for Where the Crowds Have Gone, the Brighton Festival Fringe show I’m directing. The details are below: in the meantime, I’m thinking about the whole “auditions” spiel.
Until very recently, I was thoroughly against the idea of auditions. As a director, I found auditions a little difficult: I couldn’t see an actor doing a speech, and know if they were right for my show. Would I be able to direct them? Would we see eye-to-eye? Would they be open enough to my sometimes-esoteric directing methods? How is one little speech going to tell me enough about them as an actor?
As a younger man, I did what most young men do: I dove in the opposite direction. Instead of auditions, I reverted to meetings; meeting and interacting with actors seemed the better approach. I got a chance to interact and chat with actors, meet them and learn more about them, see how we interact, etc. However, this approach soon created a different, obvious-from-the-outside problem: I had no way of knowing how talented an actor this person I just met was.
So now, I’m somewhere in-between. I’m still not sold on auditions: am I seeing how good an actor is, or how well they audition? However, as a director, I need to know that the person in front of me can act, as well as a little about them as a human. So far, an audition followed by a chat is the best I can do!
Anyway, below are the details for the auditions I’m running this coming weekend. If you’re interested in coming, details are below!
AUDITIONS FOR WHEN ALL THE CROWDS HAVE GONE
When All the Crowds Have Gone is a new play, written by Lucy Nordberg. It will be performed at the Brighthelm Centre, during the Brighton Festival Fringe, by Chris Hislop.
The play follows the story of John and Geoffrey, two brothers whose divergent life paths have come together. John is a media mogul, and has just broken 50. Aware that he is now entering the twilight of his years, he wants to leave some sort of legacy. Thus, he invites Geoffrey, his estranged brother, to join him in his luxury villa in California, so that he might write John’s biography. Geoffrey, a talented writer, struggles with his own choices as a writer, and now faces an even greater challenge: how do you write a biography for someone you don’t really know.
Wrapped up in these events are John’s younger, some-would-say trophy wife Miranda, as is Helen, Geoffrey’s wife and agent. We also encounter, Scott and Brad, two film director brothers, as well as Candy, a young model, and Janet and Franklin, a Richard-and-Judy style TV chat-show couple.
The play will be performed in the first week of the Brighton Festival Fringe, in the Brighthelm Centre. Actors will need to be available intermittently throughout February and March, and will need to be generally available throughout April (job and other work demands not-with-standing). The work will not be paid: however, there will be gifts offered throughout the process. Legally, I can’t really say more, but more will be explained at the auditions.
All are welcome! Experience is a bonus, but not necessarily a given. If the above has piqued your interest, please read below about what to do next.
THE AUDITION PROCESS:
1. If you would like to come, please call me on 07748160632 so that I can organise a time for you to come on the day and audition, and also give you directions if needed! The audition day is Saturday, February 6th, and auditions will be between 11am-6pm. You will only need to be available for one hour.
2. Please pick one of the two male/female scripts below, and come prepared to perform it.
3. Come on the day, perform the script, and be prepared for a chat and a couple of possible interaction scenes.
4. Keep Sunday free, as that’s when recalls/more auditions if you can’t make Saturday) will be held.
Thanks for reading, I hope to see as many of you at the auditions as possible.
Cheers!
Chris Hislop
MALE AUDITION SCRIPT #1:
JOHN
(John was born in England, but has lived in America for most of his adult life. Your decision which way his accent falls. He has just broken 50.)
Don’t worry, I’m not sick either. I’m still up at six, doing all of the things I did before I bought this house. But sometimes, if I’m honest, I get to thinking about my age. I’ll be an old man soon. And then – well, it’s a strange feeling. I figured it was going to get in the way of my work if I didn’t do something about it. Maybe it’s there for a reason. I had to deal with it. It was time to think about posterity. Then it struck me – I could delegate. So I called you. I want you to write my biography.
MALE AUDITION SCRIPT #2:
BRAD
(Brad and his brother Scott are late 20s/early 30s film directors. They are American, and a mixture of nerdy/cool.)
We decided to tell the story in relation to the stories that inspired them. We know they were into the whole business of getting as much notoriety as possible. They collected newspaper cuttings of criminals,. They were after the money, sure, but the driving force was media coverage. It’s a statement about what people will do to get famous. Its about the nature of fame.
FEMALE AUDITION SCRIPTS #1:
MIRANDA
(Miranda is John’s wife, and an actress. She is American, mid-20s.)
No, you never mean anything. You look deeply sorry for me. Like you’d look at a sick animal. [English accent] ‘Oh, poor thing, I can’t imagine what goes through the head of something so simple, but it must be just dreadful.’ [Normal accent] Well, I feel sorry for you. A clever woman, falling for him. At least I had some kind of excuse. And now, I can be tough. I’ve gone through this before. [She walks up to JOHN] Goodbye, John.
HELEN
(Helen is Geoffrey’s wife and agent. She is late 30s/early 40s and British.)
It’s not that. It’s not that at all. I just feel like I did when I left home. Frightened, but I had to do it. It was a stagnant life. And what did I build for myself? You said it. Something respectable. A traditional business and a marriage. Well, Geoffrey doesn’t want the marriage and I don’t want the business. Not anymore. It’s got nothing left to offer me. I’m back to where I started. I want more. I want to do something different, before it’s too late.
Filed under: FringeReview Blog Article | Tags: blog, fringereview, jesus: the miracle tour, lucy's play, paul levy, The Big Ideas, the big tv idea, the big tv ideas, the critical incident, the film, the other big tv idea, the project, when all the crowds have gone, work, zombies
My goodness. Has it really been over a week? Well, depending on where you’re reading this, it’s nearly been two… mea culpa, loyal readers. Impossible as it may sound (for a writer), I’ve been working my little socks off.
I thought I’d take the opportunity to fill you all in on what I’m working on. Unfortunately, in many cases, I can’t… really… tell you. So, whenever I say the following, please insert the following:
Big TV Ideas: Some TV concepts I’ve been dreaming up, worked on with various clever clogs, and are now somewhat presentable, but probably not going to be on the telly-box anytime soon. The are good ideas, just not finished yet. And if let out of the bag… well, an idea, as they say, is fleeting.
THE Big TV Idea: Now, this I’ve been working on far longer, and will hopefully be on the telly-box sometime this year! Exciting. This I can tell you a little more about: it’s a panel show, it’ll be both silly and competitive, and I’m working with some industry big-wigs, so very cool fun.
The Other Big TV Idea: I’ve had the pleasure of meeting some industry professionals lately, and we’re sticking our heads together for something involving their products, and also their field, which is something entirely new and a bit special. This is still very much at the planning phase, but definitely coming up… roses! (wink wink)
The Project: I wish this was as ominous as it sounds, but sadly, Bond-villainhood eludes me. It is actually just a bit of Exec Producing for the lovely Mr Paul Levy, on workshop day The Critical Incident. Bond-villainworthy or not, it is an amazing day of varied workshops, this year around covering the noteable topic of Freedom. If you’re interested in taking part/running a workshop/finding out more about it, check out all of this sexy web content: http://www.thecriticalincident.com/index.html
Lucy’s Play: I think the titling for this has gone slightly wrong… it doesn’t sound anywhere NEAR as ominous as the other ones. This is the Brighton Festival Fringe show I’m directing, written by the talented and delightful Ms. Lucy Nordberg. It’s called When All the Crowds Have Gone, and is about brotherly ties and family, as well as Anglo-American relations. John, a media mogul living in the US, hires his brother Geoffrey, a British writer, to write his biography, but can they see eye to eye? It’s an absolute stonker of a script: very dense, detailed and theatrical, as well as containing Ms. Nordberg’s exceptional poetry, as seen/heard in her recent smash Edinburgh success King Arthur. Just organising the auditions for this: watch this space (and others) for more details.
The Film: Excellent, back to ominous form! This is a big old whale of a project, a titanic behemoth of a masterpiece that, again, cannot be revealed as yet. Sorry chaps and chapettes, it’s important to keep this one under wraps for now. Let’s just say, it’s probably one of the Greatest Stories Ever Told. And may get filmed somewhere hot and sunny. Enough said!
The Ominously-Named Plot to Take Over the World: Nope. Schtum. Lips sealed.
So, do we all know the rules? Do we all know which phrases to replace? Let’s see how you do:
THE Big TV Idea is going very well, important meeting this week, hopefully some of the Big TV Ideas will come up. If not, still worth sitting on for now, and the Other Big TV Idea is still in creative planning for now. The Film is hopefully going to be made! I’ve written a detailed treatment for some meetings later, fingers crossed and all that. The Project has come off to a good start: lots of planning and booking and registering and all of that nonsense; keep up to date on the website! As for Lucy’s Play, I can’t wait to start the ball rolling on the creative side of this project, it’s all been planning so far, but it looks like next week the floodgates will be open! As for The Ominously-Named Plot to Take Over the World? Lips well and truly sealed. (cough) Zombies! (cough)
Filed under: Scripts and Odd Writings | Tags: call centre, ex-hotline, script, sketch
Black stage. V/Os. Computer needs to be painfully cheerful throughout.
COMPUTER
Hello, and welcome to the Ex-Hotline’s new electronic voice-recognition software.
WOMAN
Hello! John?
COMPUTER
Were you expecting to speak to your boyfriend, or are you interested in our service?
WOMAN
John?
COMPUTER
I’m sorry I didn’t catch that! Were you expecting to speak to your boyfriend, or are you interested in our service?
WOMAN
I was expecting to speak to my boyfriend! What the hell…
COMPUTER
Boyfriend, OK! What’s your boyfriend’s name?
WOMAN
John!
COMPUTER
I’m sorry I didn’t catch that! What’s your boyfriend’s name?
WOMAN (clenched teeth)
John. Franklins.
COMPUTER
I’m sorry I didn’t catch that! Could you spell it out for me?
WOMAN
J-O-H-N F-R-A-N-K-L-I-N-S
COMPUTER
Is that: Harold Williams?
WOMAN
No!
COMPUTER
Thanks! John has asked us to say the following: He does not love you anymore.
WOMAN
What?
COMPUTER
He thinks you are a:
JOHN
Stuck up bitch.
WOMAN
What?
COMPUTER
And that you should:
JOHN
Leave me alone.
WOMAN
WHAT!
COMPUTER
He is breaking up with you, and asked us to help! You are now no longer a couple, please return all of his stuff.
WOMAN
What the fuck! What the hell…. (she starts crying)
COMPUTER
How have you found this experience? We are always up for feedback.
WOMAN
Oh my God…
COMPUTER
Please record your response now.
WOMAN
AAARGH (wails)
COMPUTER
Thank you. We will send you message of:
WOMAN
AAARGH (repeat)
COMPUTER
To our quality assurance team. Thanks for your time, and we hope you’re taking it well!
WOMAN
(sobbing) I wish I was dead.
Filed under: Scripts and Odd Writings | Tags: call centre, ex-hotline, script, sketch
A small desk, a computer monitor on top, facing the back of the stage, a MAN sat looking at it. He wears one of those call-centre headset thingies. His phone rings, the MAN presses a button and speaks into the headset. He should sound bored and scripted. Line break denotes pause while listening.
MAN
Hi, Ex-Hotline, were you expecting to speak to your boyfriend, or do you want to apply for our service?
Apply for service. Cool, cool.
Yeah, I’ll explain in a sec, let me just get my script up… OK.
Here’s what you need to know about the Ex Hotline: Wanna split up with your partner? Don’t know quite how to do it? We’ll do all the hard work for you! Give us a call, and we’ll set up everything for you. We’ll reroute your phone number to our number, and when your partner calls, we’ll give her a scripted ‘dumped’ message, either one of our scripts or one of your choosing! You can use us for long term exes, or for a recent break-up, no problem, no fuss. Who’d you like to dump today?
Oh, no we don’t do that. No, thanks for your time, bye!
(shouts to colleague) Here, Derek, another dickhead who thought we were selling the letter X. Pillock.
(phone rings) Hello, Ex-Hotline, were you expecting to speak to your boyfriend, or do you want to apply for our service?
Sorry, what was that? Clive Jenkins?
Could you spell that? Yes, madam, I’ll explain what’s going on, just give me a sec… Script 1. Hello, this is a message for… Janine. Janine, Clive told us to relay this message to you: He doesn’t want to see you anymore. He needs space. He’s decided to call it off. His number has now been changed, and you will no longer be able to reach him, you’ll just get through to us.
Yep, that’s it. Sorry, Janine, that’s all I’m allowed to say. That’s all I’m allowed to say. Hello?
(shouts to colleague) Oy, Derek, another cryer. Add one to my tally sheet.
(phone rings) Hi, Ex-Hotline, were you expecting to speak to your boyfriend, or do you want to apply for our service?
And what is his name love?
Sorry?
How d’you spell that?
Yes, I’ll explain in a sec… Ah, personal script, here goes: Veronika, I don’t love you anymore.
Yep, that’s it.
No, I can’t explain, all I can do is read the script.
All I can do is read the script.
Veronika, I don’t love you anymore.
Veronika, I don’t love you anymore.
Veronika, I don’t love you anymore.
Veronika, I don’t love you anymore.
(Pause.)
Veronika, I don’t love you anymore.
(phone rings) Oh, hello, sorry, didn’t realise she’d put the phone down, you’re through to the Ex-Hotline, were you expecting to speak to your boyfriend, or d’you wanna apply for our service?
John Jarvis? Yep, hang on. Oop, script 4: Fuck off and die you fucked up bitch.
I’m sorry, all I can do is: Fuck off and die you fucked up bitch.
I’m sorry madam, I have to repeat: Fuck off and die you fucked up bitch.
Fuck off and die you fucked up bitch.
I know it’s rude madam, but I have to say it: Fuck off and… hello?
Oh, you’re still there! Fuck off and die you fucked up bitch.
Look, the longer you stay on the line… Fuck off and die you fucked up bitch.
Yes, I have to keep saying it. Fuck off and die you fucked up bitch.
Yes, it’s my job, it pays perfectly well, Fuck off and die you fucked up bitch.
Look, madam, I don’t care about your job, but this is mine, and I’m good at it, OK? I’m very good at it. Yes, I started here as I student, but you know what, you know what? I like it. Yeah, I like it. I’m 26, I’ve not got much in my life except my job, and this is what I do, OK? Oh, and FUCK OFF AND DIE YOU FUCKED UP BITCH!
Why are you still here? No, I can’t hang up. Fuck off and die you fucked up bitch.
No, you need to hang up. Fuck off and die you fucked up bitch.
Hello? Fuck off and- oh thank God she’s gone.
(calls to boss) Frank? Yeah, Frank, I’m going on break.
The MAN gets up, squeezes the bridge of his nose, big sigh, and leaves.
Filed under: Scripts and Odd Writings | Tags: akio morita, bill gates, day, genius, script, sketch, steve jobs
dedicated to Akio Morita
A stage with a table and a chair. AKIO sits at the table, surrounded by bits of screwed up paper, an executive ball-clicky thing. AKIO thinks, scribbles something on a bit of paper, ponders it… Screws it up, tosses it off the table. Another MAN enters.
MAN
Hows it going?
AKIO
Not well.
The MAN ponders this, as AKIO starts the ball-clicker going.
MAN
What’s the problem?
AKIO
Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realise it was EASY to invent things.
MAN (bashful)
Sorry.
AKIO slumps on the desk, staring at the executive ball-clicky thing.
MAN
It’s just-
AKIO
What? What’s the bloody rush?
MAN
It’s just, Apple have-
AKIO
Oh fuck Apple. Fuck them and their effortless interactivity.
MAN
We need to release.
AKIO
Oh hell.
MAN
Look, Akio-
AKIO
I’m thinking.
MAN
And that’s all well and good, but we need something. We need to make our MP3 player better than theirs. We need to find a new way for it to be new and exciting. And you’re the master of that.
AKIO
I know, I know-
MAN
You’re the king of ideas! The world’s biggest genius! Jobs has nothing on you.
AKIO
Jobs doesn’t have any fucking ideas. That’s not his job. (giggles to himself)
MAN
Look, Akio, we need something. Anything.
AKIO gets up and starts pacing.
AKIO
What was wrong with the shoe idea…
MAN
I don’t think people really want MP3 players in their shoes.
AKIO
But it’s fucking genius!
MAN
Come on, man! What do MP3s have to do with shoes?
AKIO
That’s why it’s genius, you arse! People go out, they wanna hear music while they walk, whadda they want! An MP3 player in their shoe. They can change tracks by double-stepping, or tapping their heel twice, or something like that. Handsfree MP3!
MAN
It just isn’t very cool.
AKIO
The g-string idea is therefore completely out?
MAN
Totally and utterly.
AKIO
Hmmm.
He keeps pacing. MAN sits down.
MAN
What are you thinking about?
AKIO
I’m thinking, I’m thinking music, I’m thinking ways of INTERACTING with your music, I’m thinking of what you do when you’re listening to music…
MAN
Yeah…
AKIO
I know! I fucking got it!
MAN
What?
AKIO
It’s fucking GENIUS!
MAN
WHAT?
AKIO
An MP3 player… that’s a microchip.
MAN
What?
AKIO
It’s a computer chip! It’s wired DIRECTLY into your brain!
MAN
I don’t know…
AKIO
Come on! You put a chip INSIDE each ear drum, connected wirelessly to a box in your pocket. You never need earphones again!
MAN
Err…
AKIO
OH! And the box can be implanted too! In your wrist, or pelvis or something. You’ll never lose it again!
MAN
I think that’s a bit too much.
AKIO
Whaddya mean? It’s fucking genius!
MAN
You know what your problem is? You’re so far ahead of all of us, you seem like a crackpot to everyone but yourself! That’s fucking ridiculous!
AKIO
Why?
MAN
Because NO ONE wants to implant bits of metal into their head!
AKIO
I would.
MAN
Which is why you’re fucking mental!
AKIO
Oh.
MAN
Which is why we keep you in a locked room.
AKIO
When’s my next bathroom break?
MAN
Four hours from now.
AKIO
I can’t think with a full bladder!
MAN
USE IT!
MAN beats AKIO ferociously.
AKIO
Sorry, Mr Gates.
MAN
OK. OK, man. (He lights a cigarette, deep breath) Just give me something.
AKIO
How about a handy grip?
MAN
Lovely. Brilliant. Thanks.
AKIO
Anytime.
MAN
Pff… Like you have any choice.
The MAN walks out, and the noise of a door slamming shut in a horrifying, psychologically traumatic way. AKIO looks out as the lights fade painfully slowly.
Filed under: FringeReview Blog Article | Tags: blog, fringereview, new word, workcandy
workcandy [wurk-kan-dee] (wûrkkān’dē) – noun 1. An item of “work” (in your own definition) that has no extrinsic reward.
In my work as a writer, I often encounter workcandy: projects that look and sound like a lot of fun, but will probably offer little reward. For example, running this blog is pure workcandy: it doesn’t provide for me, and yet it feels like a form of enjoyable “work”. Obviously, workcandy comes up more if you have a job as wide-ranging as “writer”, but it also applies if you have a hobby that you see as a profession, eg. actor or artist.
Do you have any workcandy on the go at the minute?
Filed under: FringeReview Blog Article | Tags: blog, fringereview, games, video games, virtual reality
Being a sympthetic-to-leftist, just-stopped-being-a-student 20-something year old, I occasionally poke my beak into the Guardian, and recently there’s been a spate of very good articles (I know, quelle surprise!) about video games. Normally, I grimace at these articles, passionate be they in their support or disdain for the various avenues of video-gaming, but these are a surprisingly open and well-researched, with both positives and negatives… basically, good journalism. Seriously, have a look:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/games
Now, I’m very much in favour of video games, and I wanted to add my two cents to this discussion. It will be nowhere near as well researched as the above articles, but it will be from the heart 
Video games have become a hugely important part of a lot of people’s lives in the last couple of years, myself included. The virtual worlds you’re allowed to inhabit and control are both exciting and invigorating, often portraying large-than-life scenarios and characters. You make difficult decisions (within the game context) on a regular basis, and have to problem-solve and use hand-eye co-ordination to survive within the game world, to be allowed to continue within its strictures. In simple terms, you’re introduced into a new world, and given the abilities to go out and inhabit it, maybe even master it. There are so many positives to be gleaned from such interactions, so many ways in which an hour or two on a video game is more powerful, more demanding and more rewarding than any film or TV program, and I’ll focus on the two that excite me the most: creativity and games.
The most important aspect to me, as a creative person working in a creative field, is the creative power imparted by video games. Unlike television or film, video gaming takes place in a purely virtual environment. There are no real actors or real scenarios, but fantastic alternatives. In other words, there is no creative limit to what you may see, to what you may experience. If watching various TV shows or films can show you what happens in the real world, video games show you that there are no limits to your imagination, to your power to dream up anything that crosses your mind, and that is a truly special gift.
However, first and foremost in most people’s minds: video games are games. They are a test of skill, of mental acuity, of hand-eye co-ordination, of… whatever can be dreamed up and tested. I often describe myself as a player of games: I have loved them from the first I can remember. Luckily, my parents are also lovers of games, and we would play together frequently, be it Monopoly or Scrabble or Carcassone or Chess or Bridge or one of many, many others. This interest in games drew an interest in video games, which I took to in a huge way. The combination of a variety of skills, plus some luck, appealed to my gamer’s mind, and it became a fast hobby.
Anyway, the point is that these are games; you’re being challenged to learn new skills and abilities to play them, and these are more than just press-A-to-not-die and the often-quoted hand-eye co-ordination (although, for someone who has never been a sports person, I throw and catch surprisingly well!). There’s decision-making, often with difficult consequences, facing peril and knowing what to do, being confident in the face of difficult odds… These are important life skills, and have helped make me more confident, outgoing, exuberant and enthusiastic about what I attempt. These experiences are just as important as some of the other experiences I’ve had in my life, be they in a real or virtual context.
It’s also important to note how virtual worlds have become more pervasive over the last decade. Huge online games have taken off in a big way, as has the blogosphere, Facebook, Youtube… these are all forms of virtual reality, or an even more exciting mixture of a virtual and real world, with real-life consequences to virtual actions. There’s nothing wrong with engaging in a virtual world, if you’re learning from it, and using what it gives you in real life, especially if the two overlap. I’m not saying current video game attitudes are perfect, far from it, but I think there is a lot to be gained from it. Just because some virtual realities become too real for some, or more acceptable than the real world, doesn’t mean that the whole concept is flawed. An education in virtual reality, and what it means, would be sensible, and I would certainly encourage some form of discussion of the matter.
How does everyone else feel about this? Do video games have inherent issues? I look forward to your comments!
With snow both delighting and plaguing the Isles recently, I thought I’d impart some interesting facts, and dispel some myths about the white, fluffy stuff.
First of all, and most importantly, Eskimos do not have thousands of different words for snow. They do have plenty of different words for the white sky-powder, but it isn’t a cultural anomaly, or to do with their proximity to it on a regular basis; it’s more of a grammatical and social error, as their “language” is actually a mixture of various Eskimo-Aleut languages, and most of those regional “languages” use compound structures. These compound structures are similar to the German comp0und noun: basically, words are stuck together to form new words. So, when the early anthropologists heard an Inuit describe snow as “snow”, “slushysnow” and “snowingfromtheeast”, they got a little confused, thus this ludicrous urban myth.
Snow doesn’t always fall from the sky in flakes. Sometimes, it falls in bigger clumps, known as graupel. This is, in fact, relatively common within a larger snowfall; ie. if it starts snowing, the chance of it falling in flakes throughout is not high. If snow falls in graupel, it is due to supercooled droplets of water in the upper atmosphere, which graft themselves to the snowflakes as they fall, causing a layer of thin ice, or a rime to form. This, in turn, causes more flakes to stick to the now piece of graupel, and it grows in size. Graupel can be very dangerous, as it acts a little like small, polystyrene ball bearings, making chances of falling over and avalanches much higher!
Snow is also exceptionally reflective. Fresh snow reflects 90%(!!) of its UV radiation, meaning that snow blindness is a common problem in cultures that spend most of the year surrounded by it. In effect, the eye is sunburned; sounds as painful as it is, apparently. Apparently the best solution is a cold, wet compress… since there’s plenty of snow around, that shouldn’t be an issue!
Filed under: FringeReview Blog Article | Tags: blog, creative, creativity, egregore, fringereview, New Year, new year egregore, The Big Ideas
If you listen carefully, you can hear the echo…
Sorry for the dearth of updates folks, but I have been in a drunken, tired state of creative frenzy for the last week. Ideas have been pouring out of my fingers, and I can’t wait to take on this year!
As I was saying to a fellow in a posh cocktail bar on New Year’s Eve, I often find this time of year to be hugely creatively explosive. I think it’s a combination of too much to eat, too much to drink, too much spare time, banal Christmas TV and a general sense of goodwill, along with many others: my mind always starts racing. Little comments made by relatives, friends and strangers become more significant, and combine to create wonderous, brilliant ideas. Unfortunately, I need to keep these close to my chest for now: ideas make money my friends, and I don’t want some of this gold-dust escaping until I can legally say it’s MY gold-dust!
Does anyone else find this time of year inspiring, especially now that the new year has broken, and everyone’s diving into the chances that new beginnings offer? If the Christmas egregore is a drunk Santa (see below), then the New Year egregore is an overexcitable guru, telling you that the stars and your bank-balances and everything is in alignment: now is the perfect time to join a gym/give up smoking/swear less/be nicer to frogs (delete where applicable). This is one I really enjoy: there’s nothing better than riding the crest of a global sense of starting from scratch, or using that energy to build on what you already have. Join the wave; be creative and happy, and have the best New Year possible!
PS: You’ve earned a bit of a treat: a possible section of dialogue from one of The Big Ideas. I hope you enjoy it!
(VINNY is expressive and loud, SIMON is dry as woodchip.)
VINNY
Look, it’s the new video!
SIMON
Video?
VINNY
Yeah, for your site! Look, it’s you dancing with monkeys!
SIMON
Is that the Macarena?
VINNY
Yep.
Pause.
SIMON
You’ve misspelled “monkeys”.
VINCE
Yeah, Monkeyz. With a Z.
SIMON
That’s not how you spell “monkeys”.
VINCE
It is online, man. Z is the new S. Everyone uses Z. Every time I write any word with an S in it, I think, “Should it be a Z?”
Pause.
SIMON
Why am I dancing with monkeys anyway?
